‘Get your affairs in order’, those are the words people hear so often when they get a medical diagnosis of a ‘terminal illness’. The words people don’t want to hear. I wish we all heard those words with our coming of age birthday party, in fact, as a preparation for it. As part of the celebration into adulthood, the age we get to vote, the age we are responsible for taking care of ourselves is the best age to teach about getting our affairs in order.
Death does not come at some predetermined time, just because a doctor says so, or because our parents only lived to a certain age. Many people receive an expiration date from a doctor and fulfill it to the day, others live far beyond any expectation. Death comes unexpectedly. From that magical moment when we arrive in our little bodies and start our first exploration of this planet, we are on our way out. Nothing about life here is meant to be permanent and yet we act like it is. We are conditioned to behave in ways to prolong our life expectancy. To avoid bad foods, steer clear of too extreme experiences, don’t take risks, follow this narrow path and you’ll be all right.
You won’t though, because that’s not what we are here to do. You might go all the way through life without a bump or bruise and in the end wonder what this trip was all about; no highs, no lows, no excitement, no depression, no passion or longing, no trying or failing but also no real success that makes your heart pump and eyes shine! Kind of like watching the rides at the amusement park, but never getting on one yourself. In fact, there is no medal for living the longest. There is no pot of gold, no great accolades for putting in time. Can you imagine living to 110 years and not having one great story to tell, one juicy experience that still makes your heart laugh?
The true measure of a lifetime is not how long, but how well we do it. Not the ticking of the clock but what happens in the now moment, the smile we shared, the laughter we provoked, the love we gave and the love we let into our hearts, those are the things that matter.
So many people today will hear those fearful words from their doctor and start ensuring they have a Will, letting everyone know where they want their stuff to go, or who will get their gold and silver. Some might try to resolve old wounds perhaps, tell people they love them one last time and for a few, they’ll make their own funeral arrangements. Some will spend that time regretting the life they did not live.
Rather than wait for someone to give us notice, wouldn’t it be lovely to simply make getting our affairs in order a true sign of maturity and acknowledgement of the temporary space this life is? Writing a Will is a responsible thing to do. Planning our funeral is also really helpful to do when we are not imminently dying. Arranging to have someone pluck our chin hairs so as not to cause us embarrassment, may be a funny concept, but really if we realized that death doesn’t usually give notice, we’d pluck those hairs ourselves. So often we are taught that living is just avoiding death, when that is not living at all. That is existing. We have a lot of messages about what our rights are on planet earth, in various countries and organizations, but we also need to know what it means to be responsible. Responsible for ourselves and to ourselves is a critical piece of information to really thrive on planet earth.
Today we are living in a society where war games, real war, killing in our youth, suicide and all manner of disregard for life itself is glorified and shunned at the same time. We are confused about its value, both our own and the lives of other people and our planet. Perhaps if we actually faced the reality that this lifetime is precious and short, we could help our youth comprehend the potential for them to use it wisely. Perhaps if we acknowledged death as very much a part of life, sorrow as very much a part of loving and watching that love move on to other dimensions is normal and it hurts; perhaps we could make life more meaningful, now? The death of an individual does not hurt people who do not know those people, its the knowing, the experiencing of other people and loving them that hurts when they go. Its not a hurt that is explainable really, its deep and its simply that we have gotten used to their loving us, and now we perceive it is gone. It is not gone however, it’s just not physical anymore. We get used to being so physical on planet earth, we can forget that we are not really physical, but this experience is meant to be so. When we are done with this physical space, we’ll be able to really feel that love again. But we each have a path to walk and we are not meant to all leave at the same time.
It reminds me of those ‘come and go parties’, some of the best fun happens when someone arrives and entertains us for a time, but then they leave and we can feel a kind of emptiness for awhile. Then another guest shows up and we are laughing once again. Life is a bit like that.
Life is exploring, loving, enjoying, challenging ourselves, creating and imagining. Life is relationships and building new inventions, speaking thoughts in ways that haven’t been spoken before, soothing the sorrowful and feeding the hungry in our midst. Life is easing other people’s pain and letting them do the same for us. Life is community.
Some people will say dying is lonely, but I have seen people in the dying process and they are not usually alone at all, nor lonely. They have a lot of spiritual help. Often they are visited by deceased loved ones, or angels etc., in those last weeks or months. So no, I don’t think its the dying that is lonely; but I do think that we can make living lonely. The worst part of being lonely is thinking that other people are going to make us happy, when in truth it is our reaching out to others that will ease that loneliness. The law of circulation applies to love, to money, to water, to air, to friendships too! Anything that is stagnant will become dis-eased and alternatively, flow creates ease.
As I say so often, there is only one way off of this planet, and that is death of the body, so rather than pretend that is not so, why not get our affairs in order today? Why not let people grieve as long as they want, however they want when someone does leave the party early, or earlier than we wish? It is part of life. Why not teach our children to expect loss, to expect life to have ups and downs, joy and sorrow? Getting our affairs in order is more than just a negative message, its a way to live with awareness of how precious life is.
Then we can live life fully, knowing that the day we go whether its from an illness or a car accident, we’ll have lived fully and are prepared to go without regrets. Write the Will, say I love you and mean it, forgive often, ourselves and others, challenge ourselves and uplift others. The body will die, but not when a doctor tells us so; when we are done. That’s when we go…when we are done and sometimes we just won’t put our affairs in order and the body gives up anyway and we go, ready or not. If we waste the party watching the clock and fearing when it’s time to go, we’ll miss all the fun!
Why not be ready, now and then get on with the living and loving?
Clarity Whisperer & Lets Get Real Chattin with Catherine
https://www.youtube.com/user/MeditationConnection
Blog: https://letsgetrealchattinwcatherine.wordpress.com
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/catherineclaritycoaching
Facebook pages: https://www.facebook.com/Lets-Get-Real-Chattin-With-Catherine-164762356969413/
https://www.facebook.com/catherineclaritycoach/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/catherine_clarity_whisperer/
Linkedin~https://www.linkedin.com/in/catherinewhelancosten/
Catherine Clarity Whisperer Blog 